What Is Tinder Reply Anxiety
“So do you want to grab a drink on Friday?” Send.
Your message is now out there in the Tinder stratosphere. You’re on the edge of your seat with anticipation wondering what your match will say. Then you slump back into your chair because the minutes are passing, and passing and passing. But that overwhelming anxiety just won’t go away and you keep checking your phone for that ‘new Tinder message’ notification.
Be honest, have you ever been in this scenario or something similar? Chances are, especially if you are reading this, then yes you have. But rest assured my friend, you’re not the only one. It happens way more than you would think.
According to a recent American Psychological Association study, one-fifth of Americans associated their mobile device with stress. And first hand, I can tell you that a bunch of the people I help out face this feeling on a daily basis. So what is the cause, and more importantly, how the hell can we get rid of it?
Reasons Why We Feel Text Reply Anxiety
There are a number of reasons why we feel this way. And you should find solace in that. I know that mightn’t help right away, but seriously, knowing that a hell of a lot of other people feel this way due to actual psychological reasons might help you come to terms with it.
Let me just add, if you are ever asking yourself whether or not you should send that follow up message to your match just to be sure she has seen your message, don’t. As you will find out soon, there are a number of reasons why she might not have written back yet, don’t ruin your chances by seeming needy. Remember, she might genuinely just be busy. Let’s run through some of the reasons you are feeling Tinder reply anxiety.
When you send a text, especially on Tinder, there is a “huge amount of chance” says Natasha Schull, a professor of media, culture and communication at New York University. “You can’t really rest when you have an action out in the world and you haven’t gotten the feedback yet. You get in a heightened state of agitation.” This is basic human nature at work.
Messages sent on Tinder are riddled with miscommunication. You know, that feeling of regret once you send a message, thinking your match might perceive it differently to what you intended? Most communication usually is non-verbal so it can be really difficult to make your intention behind every message clear.
This becomes even more prevalent with someone you don’t actually know yet, as they might not have a very good feel for who you are yet.
Micromanagement of other people
You may not think this affects you, but it definitely happens a lot more than you would imagine, so pay attention. “We figure that since we are someone who would text back immediately, that everyone else should, too,” says Kelley Kitley, LCSW, a clinical psychologist. “But it’s not something we can change about another person. People follow their own timelines when it comes to these things.”
How many times have you thought, “well that’s it, she’s not into me” only to receive a message an hour later? This is where your ego comes into it. Remember, the reason she hasn’t messaged back might have absolutely nothing to do with you. Jumping to conclusions is so prevalent when your match hasn’t messaged you back, especially when you have been ghosted before. But chances are, the reason she hasn’t written back yet has way less to do with you than you think.
How to Overcome Reply Anxiety
First and foremost, realizing the above reasons why you feel this way can definitely help. Understanding your natural reactions and thoughts can help you control them better.
For example, if you remove your ego from the situation then you might be able to actually find excitement in the situation, rather than anxiety. Think about the feeling of when you were a kid waiting for Christmas. Were you anxiously checking the clock every few minutes and freaking out that it hadn’t arrived yet? Chances are, no. That exciting feeling is how waiting should be! Try to add a little of that exciting flavor to waiting for your Tinder replies.
As I’ve alluded to a couple of times, lots of people feel this way in this technologically driven world. So remember, you’re not alone. “We’re all looking for connection and validation, and you can get that in a second with a text message,” Kitley says. Use this to reassure yourself that you’re not losing it, it happens to the best of us!
Experts suggest that perhaps using your phone, in general, a lot less throughout the day can help reduce this anxiety in the long term. For a short-term solution, I suggest getting active, or even better, starting an activity that is meaningful to you. You don’t want a quick distraction before going straight back to your phone, so spending an hour or two undertaking an activity that you’re passionate about can help really take your mind off the lack of a reply. Whether that’s a book you love, a hobby or working on a project, if you can ‘lose yourself’ for a while without checking your phone, you are closer to overcoming that terrible anxious feeling.
Check out my free video mini-course on how to send the perfect opening line to minimize your chances of being ghosted.