So What Brings You To Tinder?
If you’ve been using Tinder for long enough, you have definitely heard the age-old question: “What are you looking for on Tinder?” If you’ve then proceeded to freak out on how exactly to answer it, you’re not alone.
Maybe you’ve had one of these variations:
- “Why are you on Tinder?”
- “What brings you to Tinder?”
- “What do you want from Tinder?”
- “So what are you here for?”
- “Are you using Tinder for any particular reason?”
This question can make or break… What if she is thinking the absolute worst about me? What if what we want is completely different and she stops talking to me?
Well, my friend, you are not alone if you’ve thought this way. I have heard from numerous guys that they have been unmatched or had conversations fizzle out after this question.
So… How should you answer what are you looking for on Tinder? Well, it really depends on you, and what you are actually looking for. If you’re not sure, then saying that you’re open-minded keeps your options open.
But maybe you’re looking for a hookup on Tinder? Or are you looking to start dating? Maybe you are just curious or bored, or somewhere in between.
The fact is, everyone is on Tinder for different reasons, and it’s okay to have your own reasons.
Some Of The Reasons People Are On Tinder:
Why Your Match Is Asking What You Are Looking For On Tinder
This is the real question, and it’s why guys freeze like a deer in the headlights when they’re asked to lay it on the line.
So why do people ask what are you looking for on Tinder? When girls ask what you are looking for they’re trying to find out if what you want is aligned with her. If she’s looking for a meaningful relationship, then she doesn’t want to waste time with a guy who’s after something casual. So, basically, she is asking this to filter out the wrong kind of guys.
It can bea tricky question to answer, especially if her bio is blank.
Of course, honesty is the best policy. If you strictly want something casual or a relationship, tell them.
But there are many ways you can go about this. If you’re there for something serious, you can’t come on too strong. Likewise, if you’re looking for a hookup then you don’t want her to think you’re a creep.
What Your Match Is Looking For On Tinder
There are a number of reasons why your match is on Tinder. That’s probably why most are unsure on how to answer it. Maybe you’re even wondering if you should ask it!
I get it, man. You don’t want to say you’re maybe looking for something a bit more serious if your match is only looking for a hookup.
So what are people on Tinder looking for? People are on Tinder for hook-ups, relationships, a confidence boost, or just out of boredom. Even though it has a reputation as a hook-up app, Tinder’s CEO claimed that 80% of users were open to a relationship.
If you’re wondering what your match is looking for on Tinder, a recent study explored the difference in intent between male and female Tinder users.
Although the results were fairly similar, the intent for one-night stands was the main difference between genders. Which I assume a lot of you would have already known.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of women looking for something casual on Tinder, it’s just quite a bit different from the number of guys.
The study reported that 49% of men are mainly looking for a one-night stand as their main priority on Tinder, compared to 15% of female users.
The main takeaway from this isn’t that there might be a few more guys looking for a fling out there (which I’m sure you already knew), but mainly that what men and women are looking for isn’t all that different.
Another interesting point I take away from this data is the variation in what ALL people are looking for, regardless of being male or female. Plenty of people are looking for relationships, or to kill time with a chat.
Ultimately, given that more than 50% of Tinder users might be there out of boredom, you shouldn’t worry too much about what your match is looking for. That’s why making your Tinder conversations fun and ridiculous is so important.
Related: How To Spot Fake Tinder Profiles, Bots & Scams
What Are Guys Looking For On Tinder?
While I know it’s 99% of guys reading this, because it’s 99% of women quizzing them on what they’re looking for, I don’t want to leave the ladies out. It’s tough out there on the apps.
So what are guys looking for on Tinder? Studies show that men are more interested in one-night stands and casual sex. But there are plenty of dudes out there looking for relationships.
The truth is men and women aren’t as different as we’ve been led to believe. Most guys are looking for a cute match, a fun conversation and to see where it leads. Just like the women of Tinder too.
How To Answer “What Are You Looking For On Tinder?”
Whether you’re on Tinder because you’re looking for casual sex, a serious relationship, or a last-minute dog sitter, the best answers involve that delicate concoction of honesty, vulnerability, and humor. Here’s how to reply to “What are you looking for on Tinder?”
How NOT To Answer “What Are You Looking For On Tinder?”
Fist let’s get this out of the way. This question is a test, to find out if you have compatible dating intentions. It’s a direct question that deserves a direct answer, and evading that question will put your matches off just as much as an incompatible answer.
So do not say:
“Lol. I’m just curious.”
Or
“Hmm not sure. I got bored and signed up.”
We’ll get to what you can say when you really don’t know or don’t want to commit to an answer later. But the problem with these non-answers is that they’re painfully vague without offering any upsides like some self-deprecating humor or personal reflection.
That’s a big ol’ red flag. Women on Tinder are wading through tons of non-self-aware guys and they don’t want to waste their time.
And to be honest, they’re probably not going to believe you anyway. If you don’t give them some kind of answer their default is assuming you’re on the prowl for a hook-up.
And even if they’re into that, you’ve probably blown it by beating around the bush when you should have been, er… beating around the bush.
Read on and you’ll find out how to give direct answers that keep the conversation going.
If You’re Not Sure Why You’re On Tinder (Or You’re Bored, Or Curious)
So you’re going to have to do better than a shrug of the shoulders. But it’s okay if you’re still trying to figure out what you’re looking for on Tinder. I think a lot of people are!
The best way to answer what you are looking for on Tinder is to remain open to a lot of things, without committing to any.
“To be honest, I’m not completely sure. I downloaded it mainly out of curiosity. I’m not just on here for a hookup but don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with that. But the main reason I’m on here is to just meet some cool people with no expectations and see where things go.”
This might sound like a mouthful to some of you, but I have never ever seen a negative response to this, in fact, I feel it always gets a very positive response.
That’s because it ticks almost every box, but also doesn’t put you into one specific category of either looking for a hookup or a relationship.
Plus, being laid back and open to different experiences is generally an attractive quality.
If she wants a hookup, you are the guy, if she wants a relationship you are the guy, plus you aren’t shying away from something casual assuming that she doesn’t want that.
If You Are Using Tinder For A Hookup
Again, you don’t want to be completely polarizing and say something along the lines of “I just want a hookup”. Even if your match is down, this could scare her off.
The number of matches you would scare away versus the amount that would like your honesty would be a little too high for my liking…
You can (and should) still be honest though, but can do some a little more ambiguously.
Here’s an example:
“I don’t know the exact answer to that question. I guess it’s not for anything too specific and I’m open to just meeting some cool people. I’m probably not looking for anything too serious, but also not just desperately searching for a hookup. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with meeting up with someone like that, but I wouldn’t say that’s the only reason I’m here.”
The takeaway from this example is that you have definitely thought about using Tinder for something casual, but are not desperate and strictly trying to get laid from anyone.
No one wants to feel like they are one of the many people you are just trying to get a one-night stand from.
Now you might be wondering, if women like guys to be honest and direct, can’t I just say I’m here for sex?
When it comes to mentioning S-E-X it’s a big N-O. Women are sensual beings and sex to them usually requires some form of interest in your sense of humor or personality.
Even if she’s looking for a hookup, chances are it can’t be based exclusively on physical attraction.
If You Are Using Tinder For A Hookup – And Want To Be Jokey
Of course, if you’re not looking for anything serious then sometimes it pays to be unserious.
So a little humor in answering this question can tell a Tinder match everything she needs to know.
“I’m writing a stage adaptation of Fifty Shades Of Grey and I’m looking for cast members.”
Or…
“I’m working on my morning-after-breakfast skills and looking for a taste tester.”
Nobody could take these answers seriously. And yet, they hint that a sexual connection is on your mind.
She could laugh it off if she’s not gunning for a one-night stand and the conversation can continue. Or she could fire back that she’s got the perfect experience for the role in question.
If You Are Using Tinder To Find A Relationship (But Are Open-Minded)
From the graph above it’s clear that you are way more likely to find someone with some common ground if this is what you are looking for, especially compared to one-night stands.
But with that being said, you still don’t want to outright say “I am looking for a serious girlfriend!” It’s just a bit too much pressure. Let’s take a look at an example:
“The main reason is to meet some cool people, maybe catch up and see where things go. I’m not exactly searching for my next girlfriend, but not opposed to the idea of meeting someone from Tinder.”
If your match is looking for a partner then this will be perfect for her, but even if she’s not, she wouldn’t freak out thinking that you will be wanting more. Perfect!
Remember, I have never seen any negative pushback from any of these responses, so try them out next time you’re faced with this question.
If You’re Up For Anything
If you’re on Tinder because you want to meet people, but have no strong tendency to either end of the “commitment spectrum” then you’re in luck. You’re everyone’s favorite Tinder match, so just tell it how it is.
“Honestly, anything. I just want to meet new people and see where it goes. If I meet the love of my life, great. If I find a fun physical connection, great too!”
An answer like this ticks a lot of boxes: you’re mature enough to be interested in a relationship, but you’re not desperate to find anything in particular.
How Do You Say You’re Looking For A Relationship On Tinder?
We’ve seen some options above, but Tinder has a bit of a reputation as a hook-up app so a lot of people struggle with this. Remember, if you’re on Tinder to get dates, you’re not the exception and there are plenty of matches out there for you.
So how do you say you’re looking for a relationship on Tinder? The first step is to make it clear in your profile that you’re looking for something long-term. But that doesn’t mean outright stating “no hookups”. You can use your Tinder pictures to give off a more serious, stable vibe and talk about building a connection to indicate your intentions.
Using your profile to filter out the wrong type of matches is the first step to Tinder success.
How To Stop Being Asked, “What Are You Looking For On Tinder?”
Even once you’ve mastered answering this question with the perfect combination of wit and wisdom, it can still get boring. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could hold a conversation on Tinder without getting quizzed about your intentions?
So here’s how to stop being asked “What are you looking for on Tinder”. Create clear signposts in your profile so that your potential matches don’t have to guess, or ask. So if you’re looking for a casual thing, show your fun-loving, free-wheeling bachelor side. If you’re after something serious, then come across as a little more stable.
Creating a killer Tinder profile isn’t just about looking good. It’s about making your potential match feel something.
And that something should be tailored to your intentions!
What Is “Relationship Goals” on Tinder?
Signposting, honesty, transparency. It’s great and all, but it’s hard work. Fortunately, Tinder’s recently introduced “Relationship Goals” takes a lot of the sting out of the question “What are you looking for on Tinder?”.
So what is “Relationship Goals” on Tinder? It’s a feature that allows Tinder members to identify one of six relationship goals on their profile. You can choose from: Long-term partner; Long-Term, open to short; Short-term, open to long; Short-term fun; New friends; or Still figuring it out.
Tinder’s Relationship Goals feature is playing catch-up to Hinge’s Dating Intentions feature. You can state your dating goals outright and get it over with.
You don’t have to answer – and remember that when you make your intention for something clear you could be ruling out potential matches – but it will make your dating life easier if you’re looking for something specific.
My advice? If you’re open to anything, throw in “still figuring it out”. It’ll put your matches off asking, but won’t hurt your chances with anyone except the most committed long-term relationship seekers.
Final Thoughts
Just remember to try and be as honest as you can with what it is you are looking for on Tinder. There’s no one right answer and remember: if it turns out to be a dealbreaker, she was no more right for you than you were for her.
Don’t lie, and your match will appreciate your honesty and be more willing to catch up in real life on a first date.
If all this talk of going on Tinder dates sounds like getting ahead of ourselves, stop right there. Check out my 6-Step Tinder Tune-Up to take your online dating game to the next level.
