Let’s face it, we’re all a little addicted that dopamine hit that dating apps give us. You know, when you tap “Like” and the magic little “it’s a match” screen flashes up.
Matching on dating apps is an ego boost, but we forget how easy it is to match, and how much harder it is to get a conversation going.
After all, someone can like your profile with a single swipe. But to message requires some deeper thinking!
Interestingly, I’ve found that women on Feeld are much more likely to initiate the conversation than those on other apps (not counting Bumble, where women have to send the first message, but it’s usually “hi”).
That doesn’t mean you can rest on your laurels. Once you’ve matched on Feeld, you should still be ready to break the ice.
But how do you message your Feeld match without going down like the Titanic?
Fortunately for you, most guys are putting in zero effort into their Feeld openers, so it’s not hard to stand out. Let’s find out what to say when you match on Feeld and how to be successful on the Feeld app.
No lifeboat needed.
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What Do You Say When You Match on Feeld?
In some ways, Feeld is like every other dating app out there. But on Feeld, there’s a twist: users are more open about their desires and kinks and it leaves a lot of people questioning if they should dive right into the sexy stuff.
So what do you say when you match on Feeld? The best way to start a conversation on Feeld is with a unique, personalized opener. Comment on something in their photos or bio that other people might have missed or point out a shared interest or desire that you have in common, and stand out from other messages they receive.
Don’t get complacent after that feel-good dopamine match. Copying and pasting the same tired-out pickup line won’t work and on Feeld you should be especially careful about coming across as sleazy. Just because someone has revealed an intimate interest on their profile, it doesn’t mean that you can dive right in without making a connection first.
On Feeld, it’s especially tricky to walk that fine line between flirtatious and frankly creepy. So here are my best Feeld icebreaker tips to get the conversation flowing.
Feeld Conversation Starter Tips
Want to kick off the conversation with your Feeld match? Here are five conversation starter tips to break the ice.
- Stand Out
Women on Feeld are going to be fielding multiple matches at any one time, so you absolutely have to stand out. Every opening message should be unique to that match and personalized based on something in their profile.
Even better, it should be something they’ve never heard before. So the “name puns” and “cute pet” observations are out. Look closer at their photos to comment on an offbeat background detail, a movie poster in the corner, or a reference to the restaurant they’re eating in.
Guys often feel like online dating is rigged against them because there are fewer women on the app and they’re inevitably getting more attention. But actually, women are struggling just as much as men to find good quality matches. All you have to do is stand out.
- Give Them Something To Go On
Matching is easy: it’s a single swipe or tap. But replying to your opening message takes work. Don’t make it harder for your match than it has to be. Avoid open-ended questions like “how was your day” and never start with “hi”, because these openers require a lot of effort to respond to.
Instead, pique her interest and ask a question with a clear path to a response. Let’s say she’s wearing a Pulp Fiction t-shirt. Fire in with “John Travolta, Samuel Jackson, Uma Thurman — shag, marry, kill?”
- Be Confident
Feeld is an app where people can express their true selves, but it can be intimidating to know someone’s out-there desires before you’ve even had a conversation! However, you should never put yourself down or act unworthy in an opening message.
My Hook Her Heart clients are constantly getting matches that they think are out of their league. But do they say “wow, I didn’t think I’d match with you”? No. They act confidently and start a conversation like they’re on an equal playing field.
- No Emojis
Sure, there’s a time and a place for the occasional emoji but your opening message is not it. Emojis can come off as childish and immature and that’s not the first impression you want to give.
Stay away from emojis for at least your first few messages and gauge how your match uses them in response. If she’s emoji-heavy, you can start peppering them in. But keep them out of your opener: if you have to add a “laughing face”, it’s probably not funny in the first place.
- Take A Risk
There are two good reasons to take a risk with a cheeky, sarcastic, or offbeat opener. Firstly, if it pays off then you know she’s a good match and if she misses the joke then you probably weren’t right for each other anyway.
Secondly, it’s just more fun to come up with opening messages that make you laugh. And if you’re having fun online dating, it’s going to rub off on your match. So take a risk, have a laugh, and see what happens.
How To Talk To People On Feeld
If you’re on Feeld simply out of boredom, you should probably get a hobby. Go take up kite surfing or chess and come back to Feeld when you actually want a date. A good opening message should be the first step towards a great conversation and, eventually, a real-life first date.
That’s why I developed the 6 Pillars of a Good Conversation. These principles of online conversations ensure that you’re never just killing time and that every Feeld chat you have is lively, interesting, and most importantly leading towards an offline interaction.
The 6 Pillars of a Good Conversation are:
- Guide The Way
Never lose sight of your overall goal, which is to get out of your bedroom/off the toilet/that cubicle you work in and into an actual date. Signpost your intention of actually meeting up in real life throughout the conversation.
To do this, you can hint at future date ideas without getting specific. For example, if you’re talking about a movie or a hot new brunch place, simply say “we should check that out sometime” and leave it at that until the time is right to plan a date.
The important thing here is that you’re planting the seed of a meet-up. It shows your intentions without putting her on the spot, and it means after a little more conversation you’ll be ready for a little more action!
- Be Ridiculous
This might seem a little out there, but remember what I said about having fun? If you’re bored, bitter, and tired of online dating then that’s going to come across in low-effort messaging that goes nowhere. So spice it up a bit for yourself by being a little bit silly.
Of course, don’t go overboard but try being surreal, nonsensical, or humorous more often and see what the result is. When this is balanced with a deeper connection that comes from the later Pillars, it’s really effective.
Banter is an essential element of flirtation and you should be using every Feeld chat to hone your banter skills. Essentially, it boils down to poking a little bit of fun at your potential date, but in a gentle way that makes her laugh.
A little light mockery of her favorite movie or taste in food can turn into a running joke. Randomly message her saying “I bet you’re eating spaghetti” right now after finding out that it’s her favorite food and start calling her Luigi.
Of course, you have to judge the situation each time. Don’t mock anything that she might take seriously. For example, you’d be running a big risk by telling her that her dog looks like Danny De Vito — and if it feels mean, stay away from it.
- Have Empathy
Demonstrating empathy is one of the best ways to separate yourself from the majority of troglodyte dudes she meets on dating apps, but it takes work to develop this sixth-sense like skill. Empathy requires intuition about her mood, and asking the right questions accordingly.
If she’s complaining about a work day or a family crisis, you need to reply with the right tone: is she laughing it off, or does she need a shoulder to cry on? Ask sincere questions about her emotional response to whatever’s happened and listen closely to the answer.
This one is missed by so many guys and it’s the main reason that conversations fizzle out, or even when you get a first or second date they go nowhere physical. If you’re talking to her like she’s your little sister, you are not giving off a good impression.
So sensualize the conversation by keeping the heat turned up high and ensuring she knows that you’re physically interested in her. On Feeld, you have a lot to go on when it comes to desires, so lean on that. The trick is to keep her thinking about sex without being sleazy, so some playful innuendo will work wonders.
Lastly, opening up can make her feel a closer connection and, consequently, safe enough to meet you offline. So don’t be shy about showing your sensitive side, and let her in on how you’re doing.
This isn’t about making up a sob story to get her sympathy. It’s about developing an authentic openness that shows you’re different from other closed-off guys. Do a little soul-searching and reveal that you’re insecure at work, or that your parents’ divorce hit you hard, for example.
It makes you a little more multi-dimensional. But don’t force it: this is the only Pillar that I don’t squeeze into every conversation because you have to wait for these openings to happen naturally.
How To Be Successful On The Feeld App
Feeld etiquette is a little different from other dating apps, because people are very open about their desires. I’ve found that you can lead the conversation into a sexual place quicker, and figure out if there’s compatibility.
If you’re looking to get laid on Feeld, you need to understand a few things about the app. Yes, people are more open, but it’s a more mature and considered environment. People are looking for hookups as well as a deeper connection, and they’re more open to non-traditional relationship styles.
So how can you be successful on the Feeld app? Be open and honest about what you’re looking for, be respectful of other users, and be playful in your chats and messages. Feeld users are more open-minded and I find it’s easy to make coffee or drink plans early in the conversation to see if you’re vibing.
Here’s my advice if you’re looking for a hookup guide for Feeld. Instead of trying to lead things straight to the bedroom, plan a quick, low-pressure date right off the bat. Sexual and emotional compatibility should be more apparent on a real-life date, and you can take it from there.
And that’s not to say you can’t find a real relationship on Feeld either. Feeld has a pretty diverse group of users so get out there, make a connection, and see where it leads.
Matching on Feeld might just be better than chocolate. And you know what else is better than chocolate, don’t you? But for that ultimate hit, you’re going to need Feeld matches that turn into dates!
The best Feeld openers are the same for Bumble openers and Tinder openers. They’re personalized, targeted, and unique. But on Feeld you can get away with being a little bit spicier because this is an app that has turned up the heat.
If you put time and effort into coming up with great ice-breakers that kick-start a good conversation, you’ll not only get more dates but you’ll also have more fun.
There’s no downside: even when you realize a match isn’t a good fit, you haven’t wasted time because you’ve been honing your banter, and developing empathy and you can apply these skills to the next match.
But okay, maybe all this talk of countless Feeld matches sounds premature. If you need to get some matches in the first place, then check out my free 6-Step Tinder Tune-Up. It says Tinder but it works for every online dating app and it will teach you to build the perfect profile for more Likes, more matches, and more fun.