Is he just not that into you? Or is there more to it?
Often, it’s the latter!
You’d think that with its focus on having women start the chat, Bumble would be one of the easiest dating apps to actually hold a conversation on.
Yet the problem of all dating apps still persists, guys sometimes just stop messaging.
What’s going on here? Was it something you said? Was it the kidnapping his dog joke? Oh heck, maybe it was the kidnapping his dog joke. Why did you make it so detailed and specific!?
Truth is, even if you did go a bit far when you sent that pic of you holding a dog-sized sack, it’s unlikely that one misfiring joke would cause someone who’s interested in you to stop messaging.
But there are a lot of potential reasons they could. Let’s have a look at some of those now and then let’s see what we can do to try and offset the likelihood of them happening.
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Reasons A Guy Stopped Messaging
- They just aren’t that into you.
Brutal truth, but hey, this is dating apps. Sometimes people just decide that it’s not going any further and, unlike at their job, they can just quit without giving any notice or information. If you’re still feeling bad about it, check out these tips.
- Someone else has their attention.
The reality of Bumble, and all dating apps, is that it’s a bit of a competition. Not to be the best at it, which would be weird, but a competition for attention. I don’t doubt that you have gotten distracted by a new match from time to time. Well, this happens to everyone. Time is limited, and attention spans are sometimes short. As you have never even met this guy, though, you can pretty much safely assume it has very little to do with your intrinsic qualities.
- Their life got busy.
Things happen. It may be that your match has Bumble low on their priorities and a bunch of things in analogue reality have taken over their attention. Moving house, his needy mom, his ceramics obsession, that dog that you’re going to abduct, they can all easily take priority over chatting to you online, even if you are a total cutie.
- They don’t have signal/wifi/etc
Some places DON’T HAVE 4G. Seriously. Some don’t even have 3G. Loads don’t have 5G. What I’m saying is, maybe he’s up a mountain or on a subway. Stop looking at your phone hopefully and live your life! Why don’t you climb a mountain?
- Their job stole their attention.
While it is the classic excuse of the neglectful husband who’s having an affair with their secretary, it’s also quite likely. In this world of multiple jobs, plus a side hustle, plus a side-side hustle it can be pretty hard to keep your eye on Bumble. Answer my matches in a timely manner? In this economy?
- You said something that raised a personal red flag.
When you’re first getting to know people, you don’t know what sets them off. You could have easily stood on an emotional landmine without even knowing it. Some people just have deal breakers and no matter how great your chat is and how perfect your photos are, they will absolutely not associate with someone who has a pet duck. You say potato, they say potato.
- An ex has emerged from the long grass. It was super effective!
Much like the fish that every third guy seems to have in his profile picture, everyone also has the one that got away. Or the huge crush that got very close but never quite became something. When they suddenly move back home and reconnect, that can really put a big pin in your match’s online dating app-type activities. - They dropped their phone in the bathroom/bath/pool/a puddle
Need I say more? We’ve all done it. That’s not to say you should hang on for a message once their phone has sat in rice for a while. A conversational thread being lost at the early stages of a chat can sometimes kill it dead. But you didn’t make him a butterfingers, did you?
- They are on a digital detox.
People do this, right? For… wellness? Maybe they’re detoxing.
- There was a glitch
Dating app glitches happen. On occasion, a message thread has been known to disappear. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does and you were really getting on it is basically a tragedy.
- They accidentally deleted the message thread
Yeah. This can happen too. Using your phone when not really paying attention (or after too many drinks) is dangerous.
- They ghosted you (or, their phone is haunted)
There are a lot of ghosts on these apps. Must be due to haunted phones. Or possibly people who can’t deal with tough conversations, who knows? But if someone can’t even manage a full conversation, do you really want to try dating them? I wouldn’t. So, it’s unpleasant, but it happens. Whatever. Get back on that horse. Or… Bumblebee?
- They tragically sacrificed themselves saving orphans from a fire.
Maybe they did. Maybe they didn’t. But now they can live on in your memory as selfless defenders of the vulnerable and innocent, rather than as forgetful and inconsiderate.
As you have probably concluded from this list, there isn’t a lot you can do about a bunch of these reasons. They’re things that are literally out of your control. And I bet you have done similar to plenty of eligible bachelors in the past.
Life happens! That’s why you should make sure that the things that are within your control are at their absolute best. Spruce up your profile (if you feel it needs a spruce – and yes, these work for Bumble too) and get swiping.
Why Do Guys Swipe Right But Not Respond?
You swipe, you match, you send a fun, cute message, and then… nothing. What the heck? Why are these guys even swiping right if they aren’t going to respond? Some possible reasons could include:
- They missed the time limit.
If they don’t have notifications on, your match may have missed the 24-hour window to respond to you. You didn’t know there was a timer on Bumble? Check out how Bumble works in 2023. Bumble doesn’t tell you when someone was last online, so a missed time limit isn’t always a snub. You just can’t tell when it was actually an accident.
- They swiped right by accident
Sometimes you get in a rhythm and make the wrong move. We’ve all been there.
- They literally swipe right on everyone
Some people literally just swipe everyone right to see what surfaces. (If you’re thinking of trying this, it isn’t a great idea, as it can make the algorithm think you are a bot and minimize the number of users you are put in front of).
- They were signed up by a friend
They may have had someone set up a profile and do a few swipes and then they’ve never got back around to opening it up. If you didn’t personally want Bumble, but someone made one for you, it can be easy to forget about it.
Should I Message Him Again On Bumble?
This is always a tricky question. He’s stopped answering messages, should you message again? Does this make you seem crazy? Or desperate? Or crazy desperate?
If he didn’t respond to your great opener, forget him. Who needs that? Remember the list above, some guys are just swiping everyone. If he’s not responding from the start, let it go. You don’t need that.
However… if the chat has been pretty good for a while and it drying up seems unusual or surprising, why not follow up? See what’s going on. There are plenty of ways to do this and still stay cool and keep your dignity.
Probably something along the lines of “Hey, did a duck steal your phone on a picnic?” Or possibly, “Did you fall off that boat into the sea?” What I’m saying is: light and funny. Like you don’t even really care that much if he’s in the sea, you’re just wondering.
And if their mom answers the message and tells you they died saving orphans from a fire? That’s weird. Surely there were more important people to inform of this tragic death.
If Bumble isn’t working out, maybe there’s a better app option for you. Take my free quiz to find out which is the dating app most suited to you.
