On dating apps, first impressions count. Your photos, your bio, your opener – each have just a few seconds to secure that all-important swipe.
But what happens when the first impressions are over? You can’t sustain a conversation on Bumble with a series of witty one-liners. If you could, Jimmy Carr would be the world’s leading Bumble expert (and he’s not).
Sure, you need to be funny as you continue a conversation on Bumble. But you also need to throw in some substance.
I’m going to lay it all out there. Not only will you get some top tips for starting your conversations and keeping them going, but I’m also revealing the secret of my 6 Pillars of a Good Conversation.
So let’s find out.
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How Do You Keep A Conversation Going Over On Bumble?
Guys with killer openers but zero conversation game are like one-hit wonders. Do you remember Foster The People?
No, me neither. So don’t be like all the other kids with their pumped-up kicks and let your Bumble convos fade into obscurity. Make sure you have the skills to continue the Bumble conversation.
So how do you keep a conversation going over on Bumble? Ask open-ended questions, listen to the responses, and engage with what she says in a unique way. Don’t turn it into a job interview: be fun and energetic with a little bit of ridiculousness thrown in.
Here are some great ways to keep a conversation going:
- Ask open-ended questions.
- Ask why she likes her hobbies and interests.
- Send a GIF.
- Use Bumble’s Night In to play a game.
- Set up running jokes and callbacks.
- Don’t be afraid to tease her in a playful way.
- Identify your common interests.
- Demonstrate your value.
- Most importantly? Apply the 6 Pillars of a Good Conversation to keep your Bumble chats thriving all the way to a real-life date.
Why Do Bumble Conversations Stop?
The conversation’s going great, GIFs are fizzing back and forth like artillery fire in World War One. You’re in the trenches now, on the front line, fighting the good fight. And then, suddenly… radio silence.
So you’re probably asking yourself, why do Bumble conversations stop? Too much small talk and questions that are more suited to a job interview. You haven’t shown her that you are fun, charming, and desirable.
If your Bumble chats are dying like Benedict Cumberbatch’s platoon in the epic film 1917 then you need to know what’s going wrong. My Hook Her Heart dating masterclass gives you all the tools you need to have killer convos – and to know when it just wasn’t your fault that the conversation stopped.
Because sometimes Bumble conversations disappear altogether – in which case you might have been unmatched or blocked. Girls and even guys stop messaging on Bumble for a number of reasons that aren’t to do with your conversational prowess.
If your Bumble chat has fizzled out, there might still be time to perform CPR with some quick hacks for restarting a chat on Bumble.
How To Restart A Chat On Bumble
Sometimes life gets in the way of these things. A vacation, a busy spell at work, or a broken phone could all stop a Bumble chat in its tracks.
If you and your Bumble match had a spark, then it’s worth trying to recover the conversation. Nobody likes getting ghosted but don’t be accusatory when you’re trying to relight the fire.
So how do you restart a chat on Bumble? If your match was the one who went quiet, keep it light-hearted with a GIF or a meme. If you still don’t hear back in a few days, cut your losses because she wasn’t right for you.
On the other hand, if you let the conversation fizzle out, then acknowledge that by calling yourself out. A little bit of authenticity goes a long way here: it can be an opportunity to make it clear to your match that you’re interested in them and you want to keep the conversation going.
The 6 Pillars Of A Good Conversation
You’ve heard of the Pillars of Hercules, well these are the Pillars of Steve, someone no less famous for their strength and courage – when it comes to online dating, anyway (if I do say so myself).
These aren’t merely Bumble conversation tips. They’re a foundation for all of your online dating messages. These pillars make you stand out as a catch for your match, and they keep the conversation moving easily toward an actual date.
By having great Bumble conversations you won’t just get more dates, but you’ll set yourself up for having great dates when you get there because there’s a real connection with your matches.
So are you ready? Here are my 6 Pillars of a Good Conversation.
- Guide The Way
Bumble conversations go nowhere? Guide the way. The main goal of your Bumble conversations is always to get a date so early on in your chats you need to start signaling your intentions.
Talk about real-life events you might want to check out or dinner places you’ve heard about, and use your “get-to-know-you” questions to understand her schedule and interests.
Because you’re always signposting that there’s going to be a real-life date, you don’t become forever penpals and the chat won’t fizzle out.
- Be Ridiculous
Being ridiculous is my way of making sure that every Bumble conversation is as fun as possible. And that has two benefits: one, your Bumble crush will be entertained, and two, so will you. By making your conversations fun, you’ll be way more motivated to put the effort in and reap the rewards.
Being ridiculous can mean a lot of things. Some over-the-top confidence, some cheeky sarcasm, or some downright surreal humor. Playing it safe in your Bumble convos is the wrong way to go.
This is straight from the playground rule of attraction – and it works. Banter basically means some light-hearted teasing and it helps you establish some running jokes that build a rapport with your match.
You don’t have to go full Archbishop of Banterbury for this one, just keep it playful and mess with your match a little bit. Common ground is great, but maybe they’ve got a weird favorite food that you can keep bringing up or an unlovably ugly pet dog in one of their pictures. Dare to be confrontational.
Honing in on your banterous side takes some practice, but fortunately, I’ve broken it down in my Hook Her Heart dating course. Upping your banter game will have her smirking from behind her phone screen, and deeply intrigued by your character.
Some OTT jokes and gentle mockery make it clear to your potential date that you’re here for a good time, but we don’t want to come across as one-dimensional.
That’s where empathy comes in. This is pretty much a sixth sense for knowing what to say at the right time and, with time, you’ll understand all the subtext of her messages.
With empathy, you’ll stand out from the other guys who just don’t get her like you do. Of course, it takes work: you need to ask yourself what life’s like for her. How’s she feeling in the moment?
But pretty soon you’ll have an inner compass guiding you to those crucial opportunities to show off your softer side.
Guys constantly dread getting put in the friend zone, and sensualizing is how you take the friend zone out to pasture. It’s important as you lay the groundwork for meeting offline, and when done right it means that there’s a physical connection from the minute you meet.
There’s a balance: you need to show her that you have a sexual side so she comes to view you as a potential partner, without coming across as sleazy. It’s sensualeyes, not sensual dick pics.
Ridiculous humor gives you a strong avenue into this, as you can be a little cheeky and flirty while safe in the knowledge that you’re not going to be taken seriously.
Sensualizing is one of the things guys most frequently get wrong. I’ve got loads of practical examples in my Hook Her Heart course that let you hone this skill.
Lastly, opening up to your matches can lead to deeper conversations that form a stronger connection. You won’t always find the opportunity to do this, but when you do, being ready to confide in your matches is a powerful tool.
It’s important to do this with authenticity. The aim is to create a meaningful moment, revealing a more complex character that she’s curious to know more about. Before you can confide in your matches, you need to do some self-reflection on who you are, and the experiences that shaped you
All 6 Pillars aren’t found in every conversation, let alone every message you send to your match. While banter can be sensualized, you won’t find the opportunity to confide ridiculously.
But every conversation you have with your matches can draw on these pillars so that you have creative, energetic, and meaningful conversations that are always leading to a date.
How To Start A Conversation On Bumble With A Girl
Sure, on Bumble women make the first move. But that doesn’t mean they start the conversation. Nine times out of ten, a girl’s Bumble opener is “hi” so you’re going to need some way to get the ball rolling.
So how do you start a conversation on Bumble with a girl? Unless she’s asked a question or made a specific comment about your profile, treat your first message as an opener. Personalize it to her profile and try to ask about something specific that other guys might not have noticed.
Never recycle an old pick-up line or make a generic comment as a conversation starter. Your opening message needs to make a good first impression and stand out from every other message she receives.
So put some effort in, scour her profile for offbeat little details, and come up with a creative opening line that gets her interested. And remember – matches only stay in your Bumble Beeline for 24 hours. So don’t take too long coming up with that stone-cold opener.
And by the way, Bumble just launched a new feature called Compliments. It lets you kick off the conversation by attaching a comment to a Bumble user’s picture or prompt. This is a game-changer for guys that want to get results.
How Long Should A Bumble Conversation Last?
If a great opener with no conversation game is a one-hit wonder, then a Bumble conversation without a closer is like a hard rock classic that just goes on forever. Cut the guitar solo!
Having a great conversation on Bumble isn’t the end goal. It’s a stepping stone to getting a date.
So how long should a Bumble conversation last? At least a few days, and even up to two weeks if your Bumble match needs to feel comfortable. Before you ask for a first date, drop hints about wanting to meet up in real life, without getting specific. If you get a warm reception then you can start planning a date.
The question of how long to chat on Bumble before asking out your match really varies. That’s why you need to use my 6 Pillars of a Good Conversation. Guiding the way to a date will mean you never miss the moment to seal the deal, and practicing empathy will help you understand whether she’s hot to trot or needs a little more warming up.
Conversation is an art form, and my 6 Pillars of a Good Conversation can give you the master stroke. Not only will you get more phone numbers and more dates with high-quality matches, but the best thing is that you’ll have more fun in the process.
Of course, maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves. You are getting high-quality matches right?
If you’re ready to up your dating game, then try my 6-Step Tinder Tune-Up. It works for every dating site and walks you through some serious Bumble profile optimization hacks.