Here’s How To Actually Get Dates On Tinder
Your Tinder chat has been going great and you’re sensing that it’s the perfect time to ask her out. It’s time to seal the deal.
For the sake of this article, let’s just run with an example of getting drinks for a first date. This is because it’s probably the most common.
But the following steps can easily be replicated for other dates, whether that’s brunch, dinner, or a trip to the zoo.
Following these steps, at the right time and after “planting the seed”, will dramatically increase your chance of getting an actual date.
So if you’ve found yourself wondering, “Do you actually get dates on Tinder?”, let’s find out how.
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6 Real Steps To Actually Get A Date On Tinder
Step 1: Planting The Seed
Now, before you’re actually planning a date, I hope that you’ve followed my expert advice and “planted the seed”.
It’s an important step that will set you up for success when it’s time to ask the question. If this is your only takeaway from this article it will still land you way more dates on Tinder than before.
So if you need a recap, ‘planting the seed’ means making a casual, loose plan early on.
For example, if you’re talking about your mutual love of horror films, mention seeing an upcoming release together sometime.
This works with any shared interest that could be a date idea. Brunch, bar hopping, or checking out the baby panda at the zoo. The key word is ‘sometime’: “Let’s check it out, sometime.”
Not only does it plant the idea of a date in the mind of your Tinder match, but it also gives you an opportunity to gauge what works for her.
But jumping in and trying to set up a concrete plan, straight after your match has said yes to potentially hanging out could be a little too forward.
That means once you say, “We should hang out sometime” give it some time before you actually ask her out.
You want to let the idea of a Tinder date with you simmer. It’s best to try to keep your match on their toes just enough that you won’t become predictable and seem like you only want to catch up for one thing.
Step 2: Understand Her Schedule
The next thing to help your chances of actually going on a Tinder date with your match is to find out how their schedule is looking in the near future.
You could have just matched with someone who is looking for a 5-minute distraction before going back to studying for the most important exam of her life.
If you jumped right in and asked her to hang out tomorrow you have already set off on the wrong foot.
But if you played it smart and found out when she was going to have her final exam, then you could plan something to celebrate her freedom. Makes sense, right?
When you actually ask her on a date, you want as few barriers as possible to getting the wanted answer. If she’s a social butterfly, her weekends might be booked up, but if she’s a workaholic, then going for drinks on a weeknight might mean you’re cut short by her bedtime.
It’s a good idea to build up a picture of what her schedule looks like on a regular week over the course of your small talk and plan a date idea accordingly.
Step 3: Find The Opportunity
If you ask how their week is looking, and they respond by saying they don’t have any plans, then this is a good indication that your match shouldn’t have anything getting in the way of you asking them out.
On the day (or the day before) you want to meet up with your match, get in contact, and see what her plans are.
This will give you a good gauge of whether or not she might want to see you.
It could be as simple as asking:
“Hey, what are you up to tomorrow night?”
The fact that you are asking this after you have already planted the seed of catching up will mean she knows what’s coming. She is probably expecting you to ask her out.
So, she wouldn’t respond saying she is doing absolutely nothing if she didn’t want to see you. If she says she has no plans at all, then the time is right.
If she does have plans, please don’t be turned off and think your chances are done. She might just actually be busy.
But you only have a select number of times to ask her out and you don’t want to be the guy asking every single time you two speak – if she says no to someone too much it reinforces negativity and she’s more likely to say no the next time.
But you? You are being more intuitive by picking up on the fact that she might be busy, which she will appreciate.
Like we said in the article about knowing when the time is right, look out for any responses that might point towards her wanting to see you.
I personally suggest to my clients to ask this at least half a day prior to the proposed time, rather than making it seem like a last-minute attempt at seeing them.
Step 4: Telling, Not Asking
My Hook Her Heart students know that I’m a big advocate of how making subtle changes in the language you use can have a big impact on your life. Changing it around just a little can really help your cause to get a date from Tinder.
Let’s look at options A & B:
- Would you like to get a drink?
- We should go get a drink!
Let’s not overthink this too much, but just that little shift in language from A to B could be the last thing to help you get over the line.
Now I know what some of you might be thinking: 1. It’s a little forceful just outright saying what she should do, and 2. You aren’t exactly giving her a chance to say yes by not actually asking a question. Don’t worry, I’m getting to that.
For now, recognizing the power of this subtle shift in language is going to get you way more dates.
But remember, this isn’t an alpha-bro Jedi mind trick so don’t come across like Obi Wan(ker) Kenobi.
It works because you’ve read the signal and laid the groundwork. You should be planning a date that suits both her interests and her availability.
You can “tell, not ask” because there’s no question: she’s ready to meet up.
Step 5: Make An Excuse (For Meeting Up)
So remember earlier you would have asked your match what her plans were?
Yes, this was to see if she would, in fact, be available before we make plans. But her response can also help you seem as if you have a reason or “excuse” to catch up.
For example, let’s say once you ask what her plans are, your match responds with:
You could respond with:
Even in 2023, going on a first date can carry the baggage of pressure and expectation. Having a reason to hang out makes it a little more casual and comfortable.
Step 6: Call To Action
Yes, I know I still haven’t addressed the fact that you aren’t exactly asking your match a question. Believe it or not, your match will actually get that you are asking her, but sometimes the point can be made clearer, by giving them a call to action.
What I mean by this, is following up on your date request, with a question. For example: “What do you think?”
“How about Friday?” or “How does 6.30 sound?” also work – you need a question that follows on from your suggestion that gives her the chance to respond.
This is a great way to show that you are in fact seriously asking her out on a real-life date, and not making another throwaway statement about hanging out.
I’ve been told by women that “I made reservations” is one of the most attractive things a girl can hear. So don’t be wishy-washy when it comes to your date suggestion. Have a time and a place in mind when you pull the trigger (even if it’s Netflix and Chill).
If she’s into you and not busy, you should get a solid yes. Good job dude – start preparing for your date.
The Foolproof Way To Get A Date On Tinder
I know, it’s a lot of steps for something so simple. But following this process will make it so much more likely that you don’t blow your chance by asking too early or with an idea that clashes with her schedule.
So let’s recap: here are the 6 real steps to actually get a date on Tinder:
Plant The Seed → Understand Her Schedule → Find The Opportunity → Telling, Not Asking → Make An Excuse → Call To Action
The conversation should look a little like this (with tacos. Because everyone loves tacos):
“I’ve actually never tried their tacos We should check it out some time!”
“What are you up to this week?”
“Well if you don’t have any plans, we need to try those tacos.”
“How does 6.30 sound? Don’t forget your hot sauce.”
Boom. Taco time.
How Quickly Should You Ask For A Date On Tinder?
You don’t want to be the guy popping the question too soon and coming off as desperate. So a lot of people wonder how long does it usually take to get a date on Tinder?
So how quickly should you ask for a date on Tinder? The sweet spot for getting a date on Tinder is at around a week, but some people will be ready to be asked in a couple of days while others want to talk more.
That’s why it’s so important that you can read the signs in your Tinder conversations. If the conversation’s going great or you’re getting sent random memes and selfies, it’s usually a good sign.
Depending on how the conversation goes, the six steps for getting a date can be applied fast. Planting the seed can be done early on when the opportunity occurs and if you’re getting the signals then you can find an excuse for a real-world date in the next day or two.
And of course, she might just be using Tinder for a hookup. Then things can probably move a little faster still.
But guys, remember to do your due diligence. No matter how good she looks in her Tinder pictures, try to make sure you’re not getting catfished. I like to swap social media handles before meeting someone and check her Instagram account to ensure she’s the real deal.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking. That the above sounds a little like a “scientific method.” I hear you. Please remember that Tinder and all online dating apps should be relaxed and fun.
The above is just a series of steps that my “hack brain” couldn’t help subconsciously formulate after going on literally hundreds of Tinder dates. So if you are someone that has struggled with getting Tinder dates, then give it a go.
And it works, so if you are someone that has struggled with getting Tinder dates, then give it a go.
But don’t forget that the REAL first step towards getting dates is having a killer Tinder profile with great pictures and an attention-grabbing bio. My totally free 6-Step Tinder Tune-Up will level up your profile, get you better matches, and yes – get you more dates